Happiness Is Not a Place

I came across a song recently by The Wind and the Wave, called Happiness Is Not A Place. The title struck me, as it touches on a valuable theme that isn't often discussed explicitly - where we expect our happiness to come from. 

A great deal of things can bring us happiness. New purchases, tasty meals, a goal accomplished, an enjoyable activity, time spent with others, a certain memory, or yes, being in a certain location. Take a moment and reflect on what's given you the feeling of happiness recently.

As you've likely experienced numerous times yourself, happiness that comes from these things are not a permenant quality. Just because we have the new thing or reached a goal does not mean we will likely stay in a state of bliss for the rest of our days. This is because happiness, just like all our emotions, are temporary states - signals from our bodies indicating we like what we're experiencing in that moment.

Others speak of a more long-term happiness centered around a person's contentment with their lives and themselves. I suspect this feeling is deeply rooted in living aligned with one's values. This idea resonates with the lyrics of the aforementioned song, with happiness being sourced from the quality of the journey rather than the destination. Although certainly relevant to this conversation, for today let's focus on the more immediate feeling of happiness we typically think of.

First of all, there's nothing wrong with wanting to pursue things that make us happy. It's natural for us to do so and - so long as we don't go overboard - they can be great for our overall mental health. After all, feeling happy is quite a pleasant state to be in.

But I'd like to note another factor in our happiness that isn't as often discussed: our thoughts. Our emotions can be triggered by our thoughts and interpretations about a situation, so this component is extremely important when looking at sources of happiness.

Our views of the world, others' actions and ourselves can be greatly coloured if we're used to seeing things in a certain light (such as when we engage in certain thought habits). Unfortunately doing so may limit our ability to enjoy aspects of our reality, misinterpret situations as more negative, and ultimately negatively impact our emotional states in the process. That's not to say we should just think positive all the time, but where we focus our attention really does impact the level of happiness we can experience in our day.

If our thoughts are primarily focused on what we DON'T have to make us happy, we're likely to feel dissatisfied regardless of our circumstances. Alternatively, if we notice and focus on the positive aspects already in our lives, we will likely feel happiness more often - even if we objectively have far less than our neighbours.

So yes, of course it's understandable to pursue activities, people and places that make you happy. But happiness itself does not really come from these things. They come from how you think about them.

Like most thought processes, you can build up this source of happiness through intentional practice. Some ideas for this might include starting a gratitude journal, practicing noticing your daily "wins," being mindful and savouring enjoyable moments, separating yourself from media messages that encourage you to compare yourself to "better off" others, and of course exploring this theme further with a therapist.