Just Think Positive

How many of us have heard the phrase "look on the bright side" or "find the silver lining" or "glass half full?" How often have we been discouraged from sharing sadness or other tough emotions, for fear of "bringing down the mood" or "burdening others?" I cannot count the number of times I've had clients say "I just need to think more positively."

These messages are often well-meaning efforts to help us lift our mood by focusing on the positive. They're often offered by supportive friends and family and encouraged through the media. It's also true that cultivating the positive aspects of our lives can in fact lead to a greater sense of wellness, as shown in the research on Positive Psychology.

However, this emphasis on the positive can sometimes backfire when misused or overused. As Dr. Russ Harris describes in his book The Happiness Trap, it is unrealistic to expect the emotion of happiness to be present at all times. It can lead to concerns there is something wrong with us when we inevitably fail this expectation. The reality is, humans experience a full range of emotions and to expect otherwise leads to a great deal of work trying to maintain that happiness, which often pulls our energy away from other valuable aspects of our lives.

As previously stated, research has shown there is value in cultivating positive experiences and thought patterns. However, there is a distinction between this approach, and consistently forcing optimism and denying negative aspects of our lives. Negative emotions can after all be helpful signals, indicating we should probably make a change. Consistently denying these harder emotions often leads to them showing up in unexpected and ineffective ways later on anyways. Trying to replace a negative thought with a positive one may lead to us feeling like we're simply fooling ourselves, particularly when we don't truly believe the positive thought we're practicing.

An alternative approach would be to work with our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours differently.

When we look at our thoughts on a situation, we can consider both the negative and positive perspectives with evidence, so we land somewhere closer to the realistic middle (CBT). Or alternatively we could simply notice the perspective we have without buying into it (ACT). With either approach, when we're living with some unhelpful brown-coloured glasses on, we can replace them - not with the unrealistic rose-coloured glasses, but with clear ones.

Sometimes, the clear-coloured glasses do in fact lead to a shift towards positive emotions, as our understanding of our situation really has changed and our emotions are responding accordingly. But if - with those clear coloured glasses on - we continue to experience a hard emotion about our situation, that might be a call to make a change in our lives. Rather than ignore or reject these emotions, it can be helpful to acknowledge and offer ourselves compassion when they arise. To validate they are there and allow them the space to exist can give us valuable information on what to do next to address the situation.

We can simultaneously work to incorporate positive aspects into our lives when we can, by such practices as using a gratitude journal, pursuing meaningful and productive activities regularly, and cultivating meaningful relationships. Despite all I've written above, there is certainly something to be said about intentionally cultivating meaningful and enjoyable experiences into our daily lives. You might even find your perspectives, emotions, and behaviours naturally shift towards the more optimistic side of the spectrum, and so long as that is serving you and you are not denying your other emotions when they arise, you'll likely find that's all for the better!

In summary, we don't have to force ourselves to think positively in order to make changes to our daily experiences. We can simultaneously practice managing our thoughts more effectively, accept hard emotions when they show up, and practice cultivating the positive aspects of life.

Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Trumpeter Books