Talk To Yourself

Consider the following statements...

Our bodies often believe and react to what we think about regularly (or hear out loud).

Our interpretations of events and our role in them are influenced by the language we use.

The messages we hear or experience growing up often helps guide how we learn to talk to ourselves.

How we talk to ourselves matters. 

Self-talk entails the messages we give ourselves either internally (as in, we think them) or externally (where we might actually say them out loud). In either case, it involves us communicating with ourselves and contributes to our understanding of our identity and worth. 

Now really take a moment and go back through each statement again. Consider how each of these statements impact you in particular. What language do you use with yourself? When you experience a challenge or failure, what messages do you give yourself? What about your successes? Has anyone else in your life used this language towards themselves or you? How does your body respond when you think or speak certain ways to yourself? Are they the same ways you would speak to a friend or an enemy? Have you called yourself something so many times, it's become part of your identity? What does that mean for how you're likely to act based on that identity?

To restate, how we talk to ourselves matters. If we call ourselves failures, we're likely to eventually start believing (or cementing) this into our self-concept and make decisions accordingly. If we tell ourselves we're lazy and useless, we will probably lose energy and motivation to try. If we say we can't cope, we will feel helpless and less likely to make efforts to cope. Alternatively, if we are our own cheerleaders, we might be more likely to feel good about ourselves and be willing to take healthy risks in our lives. If we show ourselves compassion, we'll be able to help ourselves get up after a failure to keep going. If you say you're a good person, you'll feel more positive about your identity and strive to live up to that title.

Self-talk tends to be automatic, meaning you might not even notice yourself doing it. If you believe you're engaging in self-talk that is hindering rather than serving you, see if you can start to notice and name what's going on. Give it a name like "inner critic" if that helps. Then each time you notice it showing up, try and catch yourself and shift to alternative, more helpful messages instead. 

Some examples of helpful messages could include: 
I can do this.
I'll be okay.
I'm allowed to say no.
I'm a good person.

I should note that the "tone of voice" you use with yourself also matters, so take a mental note whether you're communicating gently or harshly. Some other concepts to further explore when looking at self-talk are self-compassion and motivation. 

In short, I encourage you to talk to yourself - it can be a great way to help us get through difficult moments, build our sense of worth, and influence how we think about things. Just be intentional about what you're saying and how you're saying it. Your brain and body are listening.

If you found this concept useful, please consider bringing it up with a therapist to discuss and explore further.