I Don't Have Time

Have you ever said "I don't have time"? Have you ever said this about something you genuinely wanted to do? What about something that you know would be good for your physical and mental health?

I know I have - and today I'm going to unpack why.

I should note that the following reflection is not rooted in a specific psychological theory or research, but is instead an accumulation of concepts I have gained over the years. As such, please take all I say with a grain of salt; as with all my other posts, take what is useful and leave the rest. My hope in sharing this reflection is that it may offer you new perspectives when you consider how you structure your day and why.

It might sound obvious, but by stating "I don't have time" I'm giving myself or others a reason why I'm not going to do something. There is a sense of helplessness to the phrase, where the clock just doesn't give enough hours in the day to do those extra tasks and not much can be done about it. This isn't to say the statement is untrue or that this is an excuse of some kind - life really can get quite busy and every waking minute might be booked up with something that day. Unfortunately, the activities that tend to get cut first are the ones that are enjoyable or relaxing and sometimes that can lead to negative consequences for your well-being.

I think the important aspect to reflect on here is why. What happens that leads us to structure our days so fully that we simply do not have time to look after ourselves in the way we'd like?

After completing my undergraduate degree in Sociology, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the role of the larger society we live in. As many have said, the personal is the political. In Western society, we're often encouraged to be constantly productive, present ourselves particular ways and participate in our capitalist economy as much as possible. All of this may be on top of financial or societal barriers that far too many people navigate on a daily basis. And all of these demands take time and effort to navigate, leading to the personal results of keeping extremely busy, working long hours, and ultimately not feeling like we have time to slow down or fully look after ourselves. The role of sociologists, politicians, activists and really every individual is to recognize these challenges and make positive changes how they can. In any case, these topics are important to recognize but they are far beyond the scope of this post.

On an individual scale, what else might be at play here? What is the reason why a lot of us don't have the time to do things important to us and how can we change that?

I suggest that two of the contributing factors to our overpacked days include our boundaries and our intentionality.

Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and others about what we're willing to accept into our life. When we consistently say "yes" to things when we really would rather say "no," we're likely not upholding our boundaries very effectively. How many times have you agreed to an activity or responsibility simply because saying no was too uncomfortable? Unfortunately, what we rarely think about is that every "yes" to one of these unwanted activities also comes with a silent "no" to every other possible activity for that time frame. That means saying no to spare time, opportunities for self-care, opportunities to do productive tasks you really care about, etc. 

Another component to consider is recognizing our physiological and psychological limits. We are not robots, we are human beings. This means our bodies and brains can only do so much each day before our performance (and mood) start to deteriorate. Take a second to reflect on what you expect of yourself each day and whether it's realistic - not based on the clock, but by your body. Do you respect your body's boundaries and give yourself the chance for some R&R?

A second consideration is the role of intentionality. It's very common to spend the majority of our days on autopilot, simply going through the motions as we always have. This is natural. The challenge comes when we've been on autopilot for so long, we aren't really choosing our life anymore. At the end of the day, we may look back and realize that life happened to us, rather than us choosing our life. This is where time-consuming traps such as looking at screens can show up. A starting point to build intentionality is to start paying attention (known as mindfulness). Notice with curiosity what you like and don't like about your day and how these experiences impact you.

It can also be very valuable to reflect on what your priorities are and whether these priorities are reflected in your day. These priorities tie in with your values, which can act as your compass in how to build your life and where to put your time. You'll be reframing "I don't have time" by transforming it into "I have other priorities."

I know, some aspects of life like work, childcare, household tasks and the like can take up a lot of the day and can't really be helped. Particularly for those coping with societal or financial barriers, this can be extremely challenging. But I want to invite all of you to see if you can find the wiggle room. The room where you could occassionally say no to yourself or others, so you have the chance to say yes to aspects of life you actually care about and positively contribute to your well-being.