The Carrot and Stick

Imagine a farmer needing to ride his donkey into the nearest village to fetch supplies. Say the donkey was stubbornly unwilling to move foward. The farmer responds by pulling out his stick and whips the donkey until it moves. The donkey might be a bit sore from the ordeal, but the farmer successfully got to the village on time.

Now imagine if this scenario occurred daily - what might happen to that donkey over time?  Perhaps the donkey's skin might thicken and so it stops responding to the stick, leading to the farmer whipping all the more aggressively to get it to move; or maybe the donkey becomes very fearful or aggressive towards the farmer, to the point that it can't effectively give the farmer rides anymore. Perhaps the reason the donkey did not want to move to begin with was that it had an injury, which worsened every time it was forced to move. Maybe the whipping itself leads to a cut and infection. At the least, one could imagine it makes the donkey's quality of life a little less than it would have been.

Let's say the farmer reflects on all this and decides to take another approach. He cares dearly for the donkey but still really does need to get to the village. So, the creative farmer attaches a carrot to the stick and hangs it out in front of the donkey - just out of reach. The donkey, motivated to get the carrot, moves forward trying to reach it - and this continues until the donkey and farmer make it all the way to the village. The farmer picks up his supplies on time and the donkey gladly gets its prize.

Now if this scenario occurred daily, the long term impact might be different for the donkey. The donkey might feel excitement at the prospect of seeing the farmer or going to the village, because it knows it always gets a carrot eventually. If the donkey still refuses to move, it might be a tip-off to the farmer that there's an injury, thus increasing the odds the donkey's injury will get tended to and heal. The donkey's quality of life will be a little better for the experience. Plus, the donkey might get better eyesight from eating all those carrots!

I think you get the point.

Now take a step back and consider your own life - how do you motivate yourself to get things done? If you are the farmer and the donkey, what strategy do you tend to go for?

Do you use "sticks" in the form of harsh self-criticism or some other form of self-induced punishment? Many of us do. And although they may work in getting the task done, consider how they might be wearing on your sense of self-worth and motivation in the long run. Consider your willingness to take  healthy risks if you're fearful of failing - this can be a barrier to opportunities for growth.

How could you use "carrots" instead? Some ideas include external treats after a task (a fun activity, a tasty snack, a nap, maybe even bragging a little to a friend) or more helpful self-talk (cheering yourself on, showing yourself compassion, genuinely congratulating yourself when you finish the task). Whatever you choose to use as your carrot, the key here is that you begin to associate positive feelings with the task, thus increasing your motivation in the long-run to do it again! Not to mention, you can bet your sense of self-worth will be higher when your thoughts are full of encouragement rather than criticism. 

Some caveats to consider here...

- Life will act as its own stick sometimes if you don't get a task done. This is a natural consequence and will generally be a helpful learning point and motivator to do something differently next time. 

- Reflecting on one's performance and considering how to do better is not the same as using a stick. Reflection in this way helps us identify and improve our actions, ultimately acting as a self-caring approach to personal growth. Harsh self-criticism is often not rooted in assessing how to improve, but instead tends to focus on criticizing the person as a whole ("I'm stupid/worthless/terrible/etc") which is something that feels far more permenant and thus just adds to feelings of helplessness, not growth.

- Be sure to hold yourself accountable - no task completed, no carrot. Just as we need to be consistent with boundaries with others, we need to be consistent with boundaries with ourselves. That goes for the size of the carrot too. No need to go overboard!

If you find yourself using the stick more than you'd like, see if you can start catching yourself. When you do, try out a more "carrot"-based approach to speaking with yourself instead as your motivator. Some ideas might include  "I've done it before and I can do it now" or "I know I don't want to right now, but it's important to get this done so I'll do it anyways" or "I just need to start - I've got this!" or "After this, I get to ____ as a reward" or "It's going to feel great once I've done this" or "This is hard right now, no wonder I'm reluctant... but I'll give it a try anyways."

After some time and consistent practice, turning to the carrot as your motivator will feel more natural and automatic.

If you would like to expand on this idea further and learn how to incorporate it into your own life, please consider discussing this concept with a therapist.