Numbing
It's natural to want to avoid things that are uncomfortable or painful. This is all the more true for internal experiences - certain emotions like fear, sadness, or anger can be tough. These emotions are unique in how we feel each of them in our bodies and what situations trigger them, but the common denominator is they are generally considered unpleasant.
Unpleasant does not mean bad. There is no such thing as a bad emotion. To label it as such suggests we shouldn't experience them and something is wrong with us if we do, but that's not the case. The vast majority of us experience the full range of emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, and all of them serve a function.
These emotions (like all emotions) are meant to be signals for us - messages about our environment, our situation, and ourselves - for us to use as extra information to consider when making decisions. They are meant to be uncomfortable in some way, as it's through this discomfort that we are motivated to learn and do something differently in future. They are akin to the pain you feel when stubbing your toe. That pain is helpful because it draws our attention to the issue, we learn from it, and it helps us to not injure our toe in the same way again in future.
Many of us regularly use strategies to avoid these uncomfortable feelings. We do so by numbing ourselves through substances, sex, shopping, screens, food, self-injury, or any other form of distractions (even if they're positive activities) in an attempt to escape from the emotion. We might also avoid certain healthy people, environments, or activities in an effort to avoid the emotion getting triggered within us.
In small doses, this is absolutely understandable and okay, as these strategies may offer occasional breaks for us. However, when we over-rely on these strategies, we aren't helping ourselves. We may experience short-term relief from those emotions, but the long-term consequences of these strategies are costly or simply ineffective as the emotions may return again in future in greater force. Often it's these avoidance strategies that can be more painful in the long run than the emotions themselves!
Furthermore, if we are avoiding certain emotions, we're robbing ourselves of the useful signals that might be trying to tell us something important. Perhaps that stress at work is suggesting a new job might be worth considering. Maybe the sadness when you've argued with your spouse suggests it may be worth approaching a disagreement differently next time. The anger we might feel at ourselves might be trying to tell us our actions are not aligning with our values and we need to adjust accordingly. We miss those opportunities for growth and reflection if we're keeping ourselves too busy to feel or notice those signals.
The solution is to begin practicing accepting our emotions as they arise without attempting to push them away. This means acknowledging what you're feeling and "making room" for those emotions to exist within us as we feel them. This is known as willingness or acceptance depending on the therapist. Once we do this, then our task is to really listen to what those feelings are saying, determine if the message is useful and act accordingly. This may be challenging to tolerate at the beginning, but with practice we learn that uncomfortable feelings won't kill us, they don't last forever, and they may in fact motivate us to make positive changes to our lives.
I do want to emphasize that accepting the emotion within us does not mean the emotion makes the decision. We still want to stay in charge of our actions and keep our heads. But allowing those emotions to exist may offer helpful signals for us to consider about our present circumstances or when making future decisions. It also may free up an awful lot of time we're no longer spending avoiding the emotions with numbing distractions.
As always, if you are finding this article speaks to your situation, I would encourage you to explore this further with a therapist.
Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Trumpeter Books.