Noticing The Grey

Have you ever labelled something quickly, only to learn that your judgement wasn't accurate or the whole truth?  Or perhaps you've drawn a conclusion about a single negative event, interpreting it as a never-ending pattern? Ever caught yourself talking in absolutes, like "always" and "never" about a person or situation? You may find yourself thinking this way about yourself (you're either smart or stupid, kind or selfish, pretty or ugly) or others (they're helpful or useless, fat or thin, friend or enemy) or situations (the day was horrible or perfect, that job is impossible or easy).  

This type of thinking is a quick way for our brains to make sense of something. Our brains like to save energy when they can, and some of the quick labels and black-or-white conclusions drawn are helpful to have when we need to act quickly.

Unfortunately, this mental shortcut often leads to our interpretation of ourselves, others or events being far less than accurate. Often our brains are biased to focusing on negatives, which - when coupled with this type of thinking - can lead to a pretty bleak outlook on things.

When we really get into trouble is when this leads to harsh judgements and conflicts that negatively impact ourselves or others. This might lead to scenarios such as choosing to cut off a family member after they make a mistake, engaging in harsh self-criticism that leads to quitting a task, or having one negative event in one's day ruining that person's entire week.

When this type of thinking gets out of hand, it may be beneficial to address it directly in therapy. Below are a few therapeutic approaches that address this type of thinking from different angles:

• In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), this type of thinking is known as all-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is identified as a cognitive bias and one aspects of treatment is to critically analyse this bias with evidence to develop a more "balanced" thought.
  
  
• In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT),  there is an emphasis in recognizing how things can be simultaneously conflicting and true. An example of this would be how one can simultaneously be angry with their spouse, yet also love them.
   
• In Acceptance and Committment Therapy (ACT), mindfulness may be used to ensure awareness of this thought process when it's happening, then one could apply the ACT strategy of Defusion to help take power out of these thoughts if they aren't serving us.
  

Regardless of the therapeutic approach used, a key component to managing this thinking is to notice when it is happening. It can be pretty tough to stop our brains from making quick judgements, but when we start noticing them, it gives us the power to question our conclusions and look more closely at a situation. I'm a firm believer that knowledge is power when it comes to our internal experiences, and building insight helps us to actively decide what to do next.

We can then choose to look at the exceptions, the details, the alternative perspectives, the dichotomies, the usefulness of the thought, and a wealth of other considerations to change how we experience and respond to situations. Paying attention to the various shades of grey that exist between this black-and-white perspective can change our conclusions, which leads to a change in how we feel or act on the situation. With time and practice, we can then retrain our brains to think differently and respond more effectively. After all, life is far more nuanced than our mental shortcuts make it out to be.

If you believe this type of thinking is negatively impacting your life, consider seeing a therapist to help you work through these thoughts. They can help you take another approach and support you in seeing things in a new light.