Sharing Your Authentic Self
There's a risk in showing others your true self. People might see parts of you that aren't perfect or expected, and even worse, there's always the possibility people might pass judgement on those parts. It certainly can feel vulnerable.
This all stems from a natural tendency to want others to like us. It has likely been
programmed within our brains since "caveman days" when we had to maintain our
likeability in order to stay safe in the group. Social rejection could
be a death sentence back then. Even these days, if we experienced harsh judgements when we were young, we learned early on to hide certain aspects of ourselves in an effort to ensure continued love and care from our caregivers. No wonder so many of us tuck parts of ourselves away from the world.
So, many of us hide. Often the parts of ourselves we choose to hide
are the parts that we might associate with feelings of shame - whether that's from our own self-judgements or the experienced judgements from others. We hide our hard days, our sadness, our opinions, our failures, or parts of our personality that might seem a little "eccentric" to others. We tell ourselves it's safer this way.
But we are no longer children and we are no longer in "caveman days." That adaptive strategy for survival might not be serving us anymore - particularly within our close relationships.
When we choose to hide, we unwittingly take another kind of risk. We risk the possibility of ever feeling truly accepted as ourselves. As Brene Brown wrote in her book Daring Greatly, “True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” If we aren't letting ourselves be seen in our fully human, imperfect way, others don't get the chance to show us that our authentic selves are still worthy of love and acceptance. Our own negative beliefs about ourselves never get challenged with new and alternate experiences. Likewise, if a loved one expresses appreciation for you but has not seen all of who you are, it's difficult to accept their compliments in a meaningful way. If nobody ever sees us in this vulnerable manner, it can get all the scarier for us to let them.
Now let's acknowledge for a moment that being vulnerable feels risky for a reason. Some people are not in the right headspace (likely due to their own struggles) to accept others' humanity easily, and they might pass judgements or express criticisms. This is why it's important to distinguish who you can trust, based on the patterns of their previous actions and your understanding of their character. The trustworthy person or people is the safe place to start sharing more of yourself.
Showing your authentic self to a trustworthy person or people looks different for each individual. It could be sharing your opinion on something, expressing an unpleasant emotion, or letting someone see you engage in an activity you're not strong in. If it feels scary, take it in tiny steps. See if you can do one brave thing a day. The key here is to slowly let a safe someone in so they can get the opportunity to see and accept you for who you are.
To expand your authentic expression to others beyond your closest circle can be more challenging, but equally as rewarding. All that to say, it's likely outside the scope of this post. If you found this article helpful and would like to learn more, I would suggest reading some work by Brene Brown or discussing these topics with a therapist.
Showing your authentic self to a trustworthy person or people looks different for each individual. It could be sharing your opinion on something, expressing an unpleasant emotion, or letting someone see you engage in an activity you're not strong in. If it feels scary, take it in tiny steps. See if you can do one brave thing a day. The key here is to slowly let a safe someone in so they can get the opportunity to see and accept you for who you are.
To expand your authentic expression to others beyond your closest circle can be more challenging, but equally as rewarding. All that to say, it's likely outside the scope of this post. If you found this article helpful and would like to learn more, I would suggest reading some work by Brene Brown or discussing these topics with a therapist.