Put on the Oxygen Mask

Have you ever been on an airplane? If you have, you probably will remember the standard safety speil the flight attendant gives before take-off. During their description, they say that in the case of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop for each passenger to put over their faces. A key aspect to note is that they encourage passengers to always put their own mask on first before helping others with theirs.

When you think about it, this makes good sense. If you don't put your own mask on first and you end up lacking oxygen, you'll be in a sorry state to ensure your own or others' continued safety. If you put another person's mask on first, you're then relying on that same person who wasn't able to do it themselves to put one on you if you pass out. But who's to say the other person would be in a position to help you with your mask? Who's to say the other person isn't someone who needs your continued guidance to keep their mask on and in the right position, such as a child or a person panicking? These risks simply wouldn't make sense, so it's safe to conclude you would both ultimately be safer if you put your own mask on first.

Although this is a situation specific to flight emergencies, this scenario has also been described as a powerful metaphor for our daily lives. Many of us instinctually put others' needs and safety before our own. When we do this, how often does it lead to us being short on "oxygen" for the sake of others breathing freely? Some of us do this so regularly and automatically we're almost used to the limited air - and we can get by just fine in this state for a while. But my point here is that if we do this long enough, we are going to risk passing out and losing our ability to help ourselves or others.

After enough time caring for others' needs to the detriment of our own, we might start to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, resentful, angry, depressed, or otherwise burnt out. With our internal resources spent, we might lose our ability to look after our physical and mental health even further, much less the ability to keep meeting others' needs as we had been.

You might be thinking "so you're saying I should just be selfish all the time and not worry about others?" To clarify, the answer to this is no. I wasn't suggesting you put on your own oxygen mask, take a nap, eat a snack, have a nice stretch, then put on the mask for others if you feel like it. What I'm suggesting is you ensure your basic needs are met before attending to others.

This could look like setting appropriate boundaries, saying no, managing our expectations of ourselves, accessing supports or therapy, validating our thoughts and feelings, and giving ourselves permission to engage in essential self-care activities rather than engaging in those extra acts of caring for others. This looks like prioritizing your basic needs (sleep, nutrition, exercise, engaging in positive self-care activities) regularly. Take some time to reflect on how this might look in your own life.

If you take the necessary steps so you can breath freely, you will be there more effectively for yourself and those you care about.